23rd March 2023

From C. E. Metzger’s Room of Wonder

  • ONCE AGAIN, WE SPEAK OF SHOES AND SOCKS AND SEALING WAX, AND MANY OTHER THINGS. (3/20/2023) Posted in: Americana and Globalrama, Econ 101: Where's the Play?, Spiritual, Thoughts, Trending Words and Phrases

    Update on NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”. While our film crew is on vacation, members of our cast are attending a lecture series on the “History of Stuffed Animals”.  This lecture is being given in the dark of night because there are some malcontents who would ban such activities – under the name of who knows what. This particular lecture delves into the question of : Who was the first Stuffed Animal? Was it Peter, the Rabbit ? Or Frankie the Dog? …The malcontents believe the knowledge pertaining to such things might lead to Socialism, or even – worse – to the State of WOKE, wherever that is. (We hope to get back to filming next week.)


    • Treading where Angels fear to go, I read in Florida those in power have recently scoured Math Textbooks for ‘Prohibited topics’. and I could not agree more. I remember in Algebra (which is a Math form) there was this question of a man walking from N.Y. to N.J. And another man walking from N.J. to N.Y.  One was walking at 3 mph and the other at 2.5 mph and they are 400 miles apart and one left at 2:00 P.M.  and the other at 3:00 P.M. and what time would they meet up? And where? Something like that. I was shocked. What were these men really up to? And why?  There are all kinds of questions that come to mind  1) What kind of bathrooms did they get to use? 2) Had any of these guys ever dressed in drag in a high school musical? 3) Were either or both of them ‘Non Hispanic’ or ‘Black’? or Trans? and if not, why not? …4) Do you think the Questioner should be fired for mentioning “drag” to our little darlings?  OMG, I am becoming WOKE
    • “WOKE, WOKE, WOKE  – AT LAST”@, or “wOKe”(The @ is to state I have copyrighted these word forms…not being “SLEEP’D”@ (Which is the opposite of being wOKe@) and wanting to make moocho dollares off T-shirt sales using my idea.
    • There once was this polymath, a “Universal Genius” by the name of Leibniz. He spoke many languages, invented the Binary system, was an early Rationalist – you know the type. (late 1700’s) Well Leibniz, through his Math skills, concluded “THIS IS THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS”. He was the one who is credited with originating  that idea.  Leibniz is considered an optimist in the world of philosophers. Anyway, through my wOKeskills, and happy abandonment of Math, I have concluded Leibniz made a mathematical error – and, therefor: THIS IS NOT THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS.


    And now a few words about our Resident Rodent Guest Columnist MATHUZALA

    • “There has been much written in the Media lately about how we rats are destabilizing some big cities; by running around in the gutters, streets, subways and such. True that. But you should know, we do appreciate of your finer efforts. We like what you do with paint, for example, and are going to leave your museums alone…unless you stop funding them…in that case we will take control of them as well.”


    Notes away from Tuscany:

    We are ‘away’ for another month, or so.  Among other things, we are dealing with the Florida Sun…which seems to test the theory:… that ‘Sunlight is the best disinfectant” as the State government here is bent on keeping sunlight out of the school curriculum.

    We long for our return to Tuscany. Here is a schedule for an event we missed this past weekend.

    For 51 years the little hill town of Montefioralle has been holding a festival where they stir fry (in an enormous pan – maybe 12 feet in diameter)  little rice doughnut things – sort of like Tuscan doughnut holes… That is what the festa is all about. They play music and dance…and some young men give a few doughnut holes to the girls they admire. You stand around for an hour, or so. What could have been better? Watching a basketball game on the tube?


    A Quote:

    “I was runnin’ through the summer rain
    Tryin to catch the evening train
    And kill that old familiar pain
    Weavin’ through my tangled brain
    When I tipped my bottle back
    I smacked into a cop I didn’t see…

    Well that was when someone turned out the lights
    And I wound up in jail to spend the night
    And dream of all the wine and lonely girls


    That’s the best we have for this week….and a fond “Hello” to Pam, wherever you are.

    P.S. We had no ‘Editor’ this week. If you noticed any typos, punctuation errors, comments that were not particularly apt, or witty enough – that sort of thing…blame the vacationing Editor.



  • “GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY; BUT COME HOME BEFORE DARK!” IS STILL THE BEST ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE (3/13/2023) Posted in: Americana and Globalrama, Econ 101: Where's the Play?, Spiritual, Thoughts, Trending Words and Phrases

    Update on NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”:  We are on a filming break and our Hero, the Multicolored Bluebird of Happiness and his true love, Mamzelle Pinkie are taking an afternoon stroll – while trysting on a tropical isle. They are stuffed strangers in a strange land and little do they know of the dangers existing therein. What is that creature emerging from the swamp?  Obviously, by the looks of it, it is up to no good.  This is not part of our plot.  This is what is actually happening. You are seeing it with your own eyes in near real time.  Sometimes, however, it is hard to trust your own eyes.  Maybe more on this next week.



    • This week, I read:  For Longevity: “Get up and go out.”  Sometimes one has to go back to the basics.
    • “Use it, or Lose it” (Referring to the Brain) is the new suggestion to prevent early onset of Dementia. O f course, you are also supposed to: Not smoke, not drink, take it easy on the sugars, stop eating so much meat, walk 10,000 steps a day…stairs – it is good to walk up many flights of stairs – all the time if possible, socialize.  Floss every day – very important, read, play games, do puzzles, learn a foreign language, learn how to use your phone…if you can’t do all these things daily and you have to visit your Doctor it is advisable you try to remember your birth date, which town you live in, and what day of the month it is – in case the Doctor asks you any tricky questions.
    • Studies show:  Educated, Secular & Progressive people (WOKE?) tend to have/create smaller families.  1) But can they defend themselves?  2) Isn’t this an invitation for immigrants to come and take our jobs?
    • I have read if there are two headlines, one about Who is the Richest?…and the other about Which Team is the Best?…and you could only read one of the articles, that over 65% of the people will choose to read the one about the Richest.  So, Winning is not the only thing – Money is the only thing.  Remember who said it.
    • Hi-tech photography reveals:  Raindrops are shaped like hamburger buns, not like teardrops.  There is a country song in there, somewhere.
    • NEW TERM:  “Perksession”.  This refers to corporations getting rid of employee ‘perks’ in the name of cost-cutting (or miserliness).  No more freshly brewed coffees, no more free taxi & Uber rides, no parental leave, no childcare subsidies – those sorts of things.


    And now a few words from our Resident Rodent Guest Columnist MATHUZALA:

    • “We have been informed, unfortunately, one of your favorite Cable TV News shows is in process of making a ‘Cleaned up’ version of what “THE RAT PAPERS” is truly about.  The soon to be released videos will try to downplay the seriousness of our movement which you can read about in the authorized hard copy version.  (Available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble)  You will soon see how effective we are if you watch how the TV show in question dissembles in the next few months.”


    No Notes from Tuscany. this week. We are traveling to the States for a short while and cannot report on Tuscan doings with any certitude.  Rumor has it Spring is coming.  The coffee is still good.  We are in the State of Florida…the birds are something else here. We can say that much.


    A Quote: “Be careful out there.”  – Hill Street Blues

    That’s it for now and a fond “Hello” to Jason S., wherever you are.

  • THE PRIMARIES ARE COMING! THE PRIMARIES ARE COMING! (3/6/2023) Posted in: Americana and Globalrama, Econ 101: Where's the Play?, Spiritual, Thoughts, Trending Words and Phrases

    Update on Noteflix’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”:  See here three different Points of view.  Our hero, the Multicolored Bluebird of Happiness and his true love, Mamzelle Pinkie, could stay in the Palm Grove forever – they like it so much. On the other hand Bork, the Angry Purple Slug, or whatever he is…can’t wait for the ‘Developers’ to come and rip out all the flora and fauna out take everything down and build a parking lot on the area.  On yet another hand, the pink flamingo thing (at the bottom of the photo) who is indigenous to the locale…wants all these ‘Snow Birds’, and worms, to go back home and leave everything as is, or as was.  More on this next week.


    • Two weeks ago I had concluded the ‘Security Business’ might be the biggest of all enterprises in the land…but this week I think the advertising field might trump Security (excuse the word, but it was a verb before it was a noun).  When I was a child we had billboards, newspaper ads, maybe something on the radio..the aspirin guy on TV, not much more…but look at what we have now.  We  have the TV, Movies, Newspapers, Google, Amazon, Door Dash, Uber, Twitter, Instacart, people who pay for fixing a pothole get to have their ad paved into the street, waiting on the phone for service of any sort, you get to listen to an ad.  People buy t-shirts with company logos on them and are virtually walk-around ads.  Whatever you do on-line you awaken the Algos to an infinite number of ads for items ‘they’ know you want.  So, if you want to find opportunity and you can’t get a Security Clearance…go into the ad game, young man.
    • The earth is spinning the way it used to; but its core is reversing its direction.  The polar caps are melting.  The center is expanding.  Waters are rising…water, water, everywhere and not a drop to drink.  The Left is right, the Right is wrong.  If ever there was a time when the twain will not meet; this is it.
    • Movie Review – and Problem Solver:  The new “All Quiet On The Western Front” (nominated for 9 Academy Awards).  If you are over 45 you probably have seen enough war movies in your life-time and you do not need to see this; even though it might be the best anti-war movie ever made.  My suggestion is this movie should be shown to every high school student in the country.  And then there should be a test given after the viewing.  If the results show a student wants to join the army after seeing this movie, then that student should be placed on a “Cannot buy a gun” list and should be sent to a psychiatrist for evaluation.  The parents should be observed, also.


    And now our column from MATHUZALA our Resident Rodent Guest Columnist:

    • “We have decided to no longer confine our dining to the alleys, trash cans and underground levels…no, no, we are just as fond of a good, clean, moderately aged Pecorino and vine ripened grapes and a few pieces of fresh fruit as you are.  We will continue to avoid the Chianti – we want to keep a clear head for the Upcoming Fray.”

    Were you to want to know what the ‘Upcoming Fray’ is all about, please go to Amazon or Barnes & Noble and buy “THE RAT PAPERS” and see if there is any room left for you at the table.

    Notes from Tuscany:

    A few photos – to brighten your spirits. Turning the grape to Chianti wine…



    Quoting:  The top advertising slogans of all time are:

    1. Nike – Just Do It
    2. Apple – Think Different
    3. Wendy’s – Where’s the Beef?
    4. Coca-Cola – Open Happiness
    5. L’Oreal – Because You’re Worth It
    6. M&M’s – Melts in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hands
    7. De Beers – A Diamond is Forever
    8. Wheaties – The Breakfast of Champions
    9. Dunkin’ – America Runs on Dunkin’
    10. Verizon – Can You Hear Me Now?
    11. Levi’s – Quality Never Goes Out of Style
    12. Red Bull – Red Bull Gives You Wings
    13. Airbnb – Belong Anywhere
    14. Burger King – Have it Your Way
    15. Disneyland – The Happiest Place on Earth
    16. Trix – Trix Are For Kids
    17. Jimmy John’s – Freaky Fast
    18. Olive Garden – When You’re Here, You’re Family
    19. Skittles – Taste the Rainbow
    20. Budweiser – The King of Beers
    21. Taco Bell – Live Mas
    22. Target – Expect More, Pay Less
    23. Bounty – The Quicker Picker Upper
    24. Subway – Eat Fresh
    25. Campbell’s Soup – M’m! M’m! Good!
    26. Frosted Flakes – They’re Grrreat!
    27. Energizer – It Keeps Going, and Going, and Going
    28. The New York Times – All the News That’s Fit to Print
    29. California Milk Processor Board – Got Milk?
    30. Lay’s – Betcha Can’t Eat Just One
    31. Toyota – Let’s Go Places
    32. Cheetos – It Ain’t Easy Bein Cheesy
    33. Harley-Davidson – All for Freedom. Freedom for All.
    34. Walmart – Save Money. Live Better.
    35. Mountain Dew – Do the Dew
    36. Gatorade – Is it in You?
    37. Maxwell House – Good to the Last Drop
    38. Ford – Built to Last
    39. Cinnamon Toast Crunch – Crave Those Crazy Squares
    40. United Airlines – Fly the Friendly Skies
    41. BMW – The Ultimate Driving Machine
    42. FedEx – When it Absolutely, Positively Has to Be There Overnight
    43. IMAX – Think Big
    44. KFC – Finger Lickin’ Good
    45. Greyhound – Leave the Driving to Us
    46. Hershey’s – Pure Happiness
    47. Dairy Queen – Happy Tastes Good
    48. Pringles – Once You Pop, the Fun Don’t Stop
    49. Sprite – Obey Your Thirst
    50. Rice Krispies – Snap! Crackle! Pop! 

    But what about: …”Helps build better bodies 12 ways”.   I bought into that for years.


    That’s it from here this week. And a fond “Hello” to Mary D, wherever you are.


  • SLIPPERY SLOPES ARE NOT BAD, IF YOU ARE WEARING GOOD SKIES. (2/27/2023) Posted in: Americana and Globalrama, Econ 101: Where's the Play?, Spiritual, Thoughts, Trending Words and Phrases

    Update on Noteflix’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”:  Ok, Pay Attention.  It gets complicated.  The Gnome, on the right,  first appeared in a dream sequence – and since has travelled into the Everyday World.  Do not ask how, or why he changes his colors from yellow to blue (see him in last week’s posting.)  Some things cannot be explained as you should know from reading the news these days.  Anyway, our hero, the Multicolored Bluebird of Happiness has gone to the Gnome (…the word from the olde English: ‘Know-’em’) for advice on how to find the Happiness he is named after.  Will the Gnome tell him to 1) Toil the land? 2) Gain great wealth? 3) Become a tekkie, or a Gamer? 4) Or to do whatever he can to be nice to his true love, Mamzelle Pinkie?  Come back next week to see if there are any answers.

    • PROGRESS?  If I understand it correctly:  We Rooted around… and then we got the Ox to help us…and then we invented the Machine… and then the Steam engines…and then we invented the Computer and Chips and things…and then we invented Artificial Intelligence.  My questions are: 1) Are we better off now than we were when we were Rooting around? and 2) What are we going to invent next?
    • FARMLAND:  The U.S. has lost 50,000,000 acres of Farmland in the past quarter Century. Where it has gone? To the suburbs, factories, large estates, and some to erosion run-off.  Also, we have lost over 170,000 farms in that same time; never to be found again.  One result of this is: We have gained Daylight Saving Time – for as long as we want because there are fewer farmers to vote against it anymore.  (The farmers did not like to get up in the early morning darkness that came with Standard Time. you see)
    • A QUESTION:  Isn’t the world better off if the Disparity of Wealth is extremely wide?  Let’s say the top 1% had 99% of the wealth and all the easy spending money….they would be the only ones who could afford to heat themselves and drive around in cars and eat meat…Wouldn’t the planet be in better shape? Someone could do a study. The Koch brothers and other people who support tax breaks for the wealthy could fund it.
    • CORRECTION:  Carbon dating shows the era of King Tutankhamun was from 1570-1544 B.C. and not 1550 to 1539 as previously believed….and plants from artifacts also show Djoser, a notable Pharaoh of the Old Kingdom started his reign between 2691 and 2625 – not 2667 as previously held. So, update your records. It is interesting to me we can tell exactly what happened over three thousand years ago – when we are not sure what happened yesterday, or on Jan. 6th 2021.
    • INDIA:  I read in Mumbai, formerly Bombay, they were burning – out in the open – a noxious heap of toxic trash covering a three hundred acre site.  Ten thousand new tons of it a day.  This trash combusts daily and it smells and causes toxins to blow around…and there are from 450 million to 650 million people living there (who is counting?)…and the trash is growing…and we Americans whine over a little lead in the water here and there and a few toxic chemical carrying railcars tipping over…What babies!

    Ever wonder why our Resident Rodent  Guest Columnist MATHUZALA  got so smart and how he keeps up?  Well, we have – and we have done some research on him.  Aside from the experiments scientists have done on his brain, which ended up giving him an IQ of over 750.  MATHUZALA has created his own study, in which he keeps abreast of all that occurs.  (See him below, keeping up))

    Here you can see a sno-globe of Manhattan, a city he is currently taking control of.  Also, see a bust of Dante, his reminder of what depths of vice and sin humans will go to.  Also see the stack of books he digested only today.  Also see the original  working manuscript of his latest memoir “The Rat Papers” – which you can buy at Amazon or Barnes & Noble


    A few quotes:

    • “Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.”  -Karl Marx, (the Commie)
    • “Agriculture is our wisest pursuit because it will in the end contribute most to real wealth, good morals, and happiness.”  -Thomas Jefferson, (With the 50,000,000 acres gone, I wonder what he would say about the wisdom of our pursuits today.)

    That’s it for this week…and a fond “Hello” Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.




  • THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING, OR OTHER…TODAY, IT IS THE OTHER (2/20/2023) Posted in: Americana and Globalrama, Econ 101: Where's the Play?, Spiritual, Thoughts, Trending Words and Phrases

    Update on Noteflix’s production of  “Troubles in the Garden”: See the photos above. Is the one on the right a Nightmare? Is the one on the left a Daymare? Are dreams ever in color? Or are they always in Black & White, like in the movies? And what is that Gnome doing in the Daymare? Is he looking in? Or looking out? He should appear only in dreams. And why are there so many pineapple jars? And what is a pineapple jar in the first place? Everything seems confusing. Come back next week for clarity on these issues.


    • I WONDER if Alexander Graham Bell came back…could he work the iPhone today or the Android, or Chatbot, or the ChatbotGPT3GPT thing?  I mean all this is his fault…I also wonder if you are a genius in one Age…does that work for you in another?
    • ROBLOX has collected a total of 65,000,000 hits, or ‘uses’,  as of yesterday.  Do you know if Roblox is:  1) A food delivery service  2) An AI machine that vacuums your house  3) A self-driving car  4) An online dating service  5) A video game you can buy just about anywhere  6) A bitcoin exchange  7) A green veggie drink that cleans your digestive colon and helps you lose weight – fast! (correct answer at bottom of post)
    • I WONDER which is more scary to our nation’s children: 1) Teaching them about what we did to the American Indians and how we prospered in the world of slavery, or  2) Teaching them how to hit the ground when they see a shooter come into their classroom.  Me?  I think it is a tie…I also wonder if a kid in Florida asks if guns kill people, or if people kill people and the teacher tries to answer that question – would the teacher be fired?
    • PAPER CLIPS  There has been a lot of talk lately about the surging reality of AI (Artificial Intelligence) and its taking over of: jobs, thinking, regulating human behavior and things like that. Suddenly, the Reiman Hypothesis (of the early 2000’s) comes to mind:  This is where a giant computer could be given the instructions to build Super Computers to help achieve its goal, which is to produce as many paper clips as possible, and if not having been instructed to care about human life, the AI program could eventually take all of Earth’s resources to meet its final goal.  And everything on earth would become paper clips. This is scary, is it not? As a matter of fact, I am right now looking at two paper clips on my desk, which just appeared out of nowhere.
    • TRUST:  We do not trust each other.  We: lock our home doors.  Some of us have gates, which we lock, outside our locked houses.  We put up signs saying we have cameras on our houses.  We lock our cars.  We lock our desks.  We lock our phones with Identiy secrets and we do the same with our computers. We have secret passwords and identities so no one can get our stuff.  Private security companies abound.  Every community has a police force, part of whose job it is, is to protect us from other people.  Once one of us becomes a great success, we tend to get a personal bodyguard, or two. Years ago when Horace Greeley was asked where he would go to make his way in life, he responded “Go West, young man!”  Today my advice would be “Get in the Security Business, young man”.

    Here is where we usually print our article from MATHUZALA our Resident Rodent Guest Columnist; but today, as you can see below, MATHUZALA is out on the New York City streets, surveying the situation and making plans for his pack.

    Were you to want to know exactly what MATHUZALA and his pack are up to, go to Amazon or Barnes & Noble and purchase the (non) Best-Seller “THE RAT PAPERS”  (While supplies last!) and learn where you fit in, in all this..



    Notes not from Tuscany.

    This is what is going on in Venice this week.



    • “Washington is not a place to live in.  The rents are high, the food is bad, the dust is disgusting and the morals are deplorable.  Go West, young man, go West and grow up with the country.”  – Horace Greeley – the full quote
    • “Stop them damn pictures! I don’t care what the papers write about me.  My constituents can’t read.  But, damn it, they can see the pictures!”  -Trum…no, no, …make that  -Boss Tweed, late 1800s…Politically corrupt politician …scammed New York City out of over $40,000,000 – back when that was a lot of money.

    Thank you for your time, this time…and a fond “Hello” to Morgan & Chris…We know where you are.

    #5 is the answer.

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