Notes from NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”; The question has come up: What are the advantages of being a “Stuffed Animal”? Good question. Here are some answers: 1) You do not have to worry about what contaminants are in your food. 2) You do not, ever, waste your time on worthless podcasts. 3) You have no problems with paying bills at the end of the month. 4) You are never suspected of committing a crime you did not commit. The list goes on and on…(See Below)
SOME INTERESTING NOTES I’VE TAKEN WHILE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ELSE:
- RACTOPAMINE: China has refused to import any of our Pork products which contain RACTOPAMINE (a food additive)…and some of our Pork producers are going to stop adding it to our food because they do not want to lose the Chinese market. Question: Who are the Chinese to tell us we can’t eat RACTOPAMINE? So much for American Exceptionalism.
- PODCASTERS: I’ve read that some PODCASTERS are earning more than $18,000 a month playing the sounds of waterfalls and vacuum cleaners for ‘White Noise’ and soothing purposes. If you need a soothing moment you can stick your ear close to this paragraph and listen to the Sound of Silence – for Free.
- HARD TIMES: It is estimated 1/3 of Americans earning up to $250,000 a year are living ‘Paycheck to Paycheck’ and the majority of them are Millennials (between 22 & 40 years of age). When I earned $250,000, I could make it longer than to the end of the month; but times have changed, I guess.
- HOW TO WIN A $5 BET: Go to a bar and bet the guy on the stool if he knows which city is further west: Reno, Nevada or Los Angeles. California. He’ll say “L.A.” like a dummy – and you win the fiver. You could look it up.
- STUDIES show: Poorer people tend to be more generous than richer people. Duh, that’s why Rich people are rich and the Poor people don’t have any money…and where do the people who make $250,000 a year but can’t make it to the end of the month fit in? How could they possibly be generous, when they can’t afford to pay their bills?
- DETECTIVE WORK: They have found, several times, different people with the same fingerprints. They have found witnesses are often unreliable. The FBI has done hundreds of thousands of exams on hair & tire fibers and have found lab techies leave something to be desired. All photos can be ‘Photoshopped’. Selecting juries are an inexact art. Some cops have taken the approach: “So you get a couple of tuna caught in the net.” Looks like we are going to continue to see NETFLIX Documentary series where they try to get innocent guys out of prison.
- IN NEED OF FOLLOW-UPs: *(Old Notes from 2016): “We passed the 100 mark for the number of people who had served over 30 years on Death Row and who were since proved innocent of the crime.” Question: How are we doing now? *“Jellyfish are increasing in number and are creating a ‘Primordial Soup’ which has caused electrical shortages from Scotland to the Philippines (something to do with clogging intake valves.) This ‘Soup’ also hurts desalinization plants. I have read in advertisements that Big Pharma has discovered something in Jellyfish which could help our memories.” I have not read anything of late about whether we have fixed this jellyfish problem altogether. At least I cannot remember if I read anything like that. * There were 59,000 bridges and tunnels Officially Classified as ‘Structurally Deficient’. One political party, at the time, held this was “…not as bad as it sounds”. Can you guess which Party that was? The previous President addressed this situation by lowering the number of ‘Official Classifiers’.
- “DOUBLE BOOKED”: This is a term for?: 1) Hotel or Restaurant reservations 2) Civilians being arrested for more than one traffic violation after a speed chase 3) Surgeons operating in two rooms at the same time. (Correct answer is #3, as wrong as that may be.
And now a few words from MATHUZALA our resident Rodent Guest Columnist:
- “I am paid handsomely to offer you advice, so here it is: Last week, I went up into the Cloud to see what is what and I found if you want to know what is what you should stay here on the ground.”
( Ed. note: If you want to know how to survive in these troubled times, you should go to Amazon or Barnes & Noble and buy “THE RAT PAPERS” and see if you want to head for high ground, or whatever it is MATHUZALA is recommending.)
NOTES FROM TUSCANY
The Americans have arrived! The Americans have arrived!
It has been a two year wait for this, but they are here now. You can tell them by their accents – and their happy behavior. They don’t look much different, to my eye, than the Germans, or the English. The Cosmopolitan look these days is: t-shirts, baggy shorts, running shoes. Sort of the ‘falling out of bed’ style. But the Americans are a breath of fresh air… a little louder than the Europeans, Laughing a lot, taking pictures…buying stuff. They seem to be glad to be on the road. Me? I ask some of them where they are from; but I avoid asking them what they think about guns and voting restrictions and various State governors – the big topics of the day- I think I am afraid I might hear something I don’t want to hear. What has become of me? Am I becoming close minded? Enough of me, I am glad to see them.
A few quotes:
- “Even though we may fall into misfortune – still let us remember what it was once like here, when we were all united by a good and kind feeling – when we were, perhaps, better than we are.” – Christopher Plummer in “Man In The Chair”
- “Doveryai no Proveras” -translation; “Trust but Verify” …old Russian proverb.
- “The answer my friends is blowin’ in the winds…” -Bob Dylan
- “Nothing ain’t worth nothing; but it’s free.” -K. Kristofferson
That’s it for now…and a fond “Hello” to Zach and Jake, wherever you are…