Update on NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”: THE RESULTS ARE IN! :The Winner and re-elected Leader of the Land of Stuffed Animals is Ezmiralda, the Hairy Pig Qween. She will return to her normal positioning of herself in front of all phot-ops immediately. The Stuffed Animal community breathes a sigh of relief. But wait! Isn’t that Bork, the Angry Purple Slug – up there in the Pansies? What’s he up to? Will he demand a recount? Will he announce he is going to run in the next election? Will he storm the shelf where all the Stuffed Animals are kept and cause a riot? …It seems it is not over yet. More on this next week.
THINGS YOU MAY NOT BE CAUGHT UP ON:
- BRAINS: Studies show babies born on the early range of normal delivery are prone to lower math and science scores than those carried to 39 weeks. I must have been born really early – maybe a ‘preemie’ even. More on BRAINS: Some studies show rich people’s children have bigger brains than poor people’s children. Einstein’s brain was 44 ounces. The average brain is 50 ounces. Does that mean Einstein had poor parents? My brain is 43 ounces in weight. Maybe they will do a study on it in a few years.
- SMOKING: Studies show the mentally ill population smokes more than the not mentally ill. And studies show mentally ill people sometimes buy automatic rifles – which is a form of insanity, writ large. Is it not logical to deduce smokers should not be allowed to buy guns – unless they pass a sanity test? But to smoke is insane, is it not? Therefor, smokers could not pass sanity tests and, hence, should not be allowed automatic rifles. Problem solved.
- REDUCING CRIME: Studies show: Medicating ADHD might reduce crime. And studies show: Medicating PTSD may reduce crime. And a proper balance of Nicene may reduce crime. And erasing memories of unpleasant events may reduce crime. I am not aware of any studies which show politicians, medicated or not, have reduced crime.
- OLD NOTE It says (2015) the proliferation of air-conditioners in America has saved lives and have reduced the premature death rate to 2.5% – from 5%. If this is correct, then can we expect the premature death rate to go up if we lose the right to turn our air-conditioners on because of this Climate Change thing. My editor makes a mark here, telling me to end this paragraph with something funny. So, here goes: “A priest, a rabbi, an environmentalist and the CEO of GE walk into a bar. Which one of them says, “It is hot in here. Somebody turn on the Air-conditioner.”
- WHAT’S IN A NAME? I read where if you put ‘Patagonian Toothfish” on the menu, people will not order it. But if you change the name to ‘Chilean Sea Bass’ people will gobble it up. And they won’t order ‘Goosefish’ unless you call it ‘Monkfish’. And nobody will ever order ‘Slimehead’ unless you call it ‘Orange Roughy’. So, where am I going with this? Apparently there is a lot of trouble in our fresh waters with the invasive specie named the Snakehead fish. They eat up all our good fish. However, nobody wants to eat Snakhead fish. But I say let’s change the name to ‘Twinkle Fish’ or something cute like that and we will happily eat the problem away.
And now a few words from our Resident Rodent Guest Columnist MATHUZALA:
MATHUZALA SPEAKS:
Rats are different from humans in many ways: For example; We do not fight each other. Ever see us fight each other? I don’t think so. Second, we do not get sick the way you do. Ever read about us dying in the Plague? Or from Covid? I don’t think so. In fact, during your pandemics our populations grew. Stop fighting each other. Stop it with your getting sick. Join us! Become a Chumper!
-Ed. Note: If you want to know how to join MATHUZALA and his crew of Chumpers as they take control of the ‘Civilized’ world, go to Amazon or Barnes & Noble and buy the (non) Best Seller“THE RAT PAPERS”. Buy it now – while supplies last!
Notes from Tuscany:
Friday was Armistice Day in Italy. The ‘Florence American Cemetery and Memorial is in our area. “From Rome to the Alps – And Victory.” It is beautiful, well tended and emotionally exhausting – and a very nice tribute to American’s who fought and died in the Italian theater in World War II. 4,398 Headstones, 1,409 Tablets of the Missing
And now for a few quotes and a few comments on those quotes:
- “Give me Liberty or give me Death!” -Patrick Henry, who had slaves. But he was a Founding Father type…a Snakefish by another name, if you will.
- “Taxes are the cost of Civilization.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes. We tend to vote “No” to Taxes. It seems nobody, not even the Corporations, who are people too, likes Civilization very much.
- “Why has no one ever found us?” -Enrico Fermi (1950). This question is in regard to ‘why’, if there are billions of planets out there… and the mathematical chances of intelligent life, more intelligent than our own – is extremely high – then why have ‘they’ not found us ? I suspect ‘they’ have found us; but ‘they’ are leaving us in quarantine, for fear of our infecting the outer realms…something like that. The sanity test comes up again as a possibility.
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That’s it from here for now, until next week…and a fond ‘Hello” to Casey, wherever you are.
