LIES, LIES, AND DAMNED FACTS

UPDATE ON NOTEFLIX’s Production of  “Troubles in the Garden”: Our cast members, those who cherish Democracy, have taken a break to celebrate the elections they’ve been told about, which have gone on in the land of the Humans and other Dangerous Creatures. Our Stuffed Animal friends have been partying all night and had barely enough energy to pose for this picture. They have not yet been told about the indiscriminate lawsuits some of the Humans are throwing at other Humans – in the hopes of throwing  the elections to those who seem to be losing. It is very complicated. But no matter; Stuffed Animals do not understand lawsuits at all – since they do not even have a justice system.

WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING WHAT YOU THINK HAS BEEN GOING ON:

• I have an airlines credit card.  Naturally, the airlines would like me to buy a ticket or two.  So they sent me an e-mail which told me: a) Filters in the cabin are good, so good they filter out particles 10x’s smaller than Covid19 particles. b) Those filters remove 99.99% of anything that is not pure/perfect air. c) The air in the cabin is renewed 20-30 times an hour. I don’t really want to travel anywhere right now; but I wonder if the airlines will let me just sit in the cabin for a few hours. If I understand it, sitting in an airplane is the safest place in the world to be. This could be good news.  For a discussion on the subject of NEWS, see last week’s post.
• I have decided to post OXYMORONS as I come across them.  Here is one I saw this morning: SMART TV.  Apparently, ‘they’ are going to do to the TV what ‘they’ did to the phone – and we will all have to buy them.  My Smart Phone has made me dumber than when I had a stupid old black phone hanging off the wall. How much dumber can this SMART TV make me?
• Since 1975, 10% of the world’s Lizard population has died off. Scientists say (if you can believe a word they say) this is due to the world’s over-heating – and another 40% of the Lizards will die-off in 60 years. This is because Lizards seek shelter from heat and the females have less time eat and produce eggs, because they are spending their time skittering around looking for a cool place to hide out in. These biologists obviously have a liberal agenda – and who needs Lizards, anyway?….and aren’t they sort of like snakes? See? Did your mind just take a break from the NEWS from the White House for a few seconds?
• NOBLESSE OBLIGE: …NOBLESSE refers to the Nobility – as a class….and their OBLIGE (pronounced “O-bleeje”) is the “inferred responsibility to act with generosity and nobility toward those less privileged.”  There is no Nobility in our country today; but there is the 1% and they don’t “O-bleeje” for anybody. Maybe they will if they get a few more tax breaks and are allowed to keep their tax-advantaged ‘charitable deductions’.
• 12% of voters believe Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife.  And a  greater number believe in the Virgin Birth and not in Evolution.
• I have decided to make a list of the good things Big Federal Government has provided us: Genomics (Whatever that is), the Internet, Supercomputers, GPS, the Interstate system, the TVA, The Moon Landing (if it were a Hollywood Hoax – it was a great Hoax), the A-Bomb (depending upon your perspective, of course)  Our Military (unless you are a ‘Peacenik’), Weather Forecasting (despite the incorrect Alabama Hurricane call). …Send in more items as you think of them and I will vet and publish.
• Here is an old note:  A few years ago a county in Virginia was suing Krispy Kreme…”Waste emanating from a five year old factory was gumming up the county’s sewage system…excess fats, oils and grease was destroying iron pipes, mechanical pumps and other equipment.”  I do not know how the suit came out – but I do know I like the glazed the best.
• Studies show fireflies use no defensive measures to protect themselves. They sparkle and say “Here we are!”.   Yet, bats and other critters do not eat them. Why?   Because they are, apparently, a toxic food.  That could explain why no critters are eating us– what with our infusions of Krispy Kremes, chemicalized meats and God knows what else is gumming up our systems – making us almost as toxic as the fireflies.
• I see where  studies on ‘Giving’ show that children get more joy out of offering a cookie to a stuffed animal than eating the cookie themselves.  Some have concluded (preposterously) that we, early on,  enjoy giving – even more than eating.  Me?  I think that the little boy, after offering the cookie to the stuffed animal, then gets to eat the cookie himself, because the cookie is still in his hand after the stuffed animal refused it.  So the child gets to have his cake and eat it too.. Another study on ‘Giving’ claims that rich people have lower blood pressure levels, if they give big to charities…and another says the people who give kidneys have bigger amygdalae than those of us who don’t.  Since the poor cannot compete on giving big to charities; their blood pressure must be going through the roof.  I’d give more, if someone paid me to do studies like these.

And now a few words from our guest columnist, Mathuzala:

MATHUZALA SPEAKS:

• “Some of you talk about the ‘Pendulum’  and the ‘Fulcrum’ of History – and that ‘things’ swing back and forth…well, any fool can see the pendulum is swinging back…further on the other side, and faster, and harder, and it looks like it is just like the weather  – going crazy – and it looks like the pin could break and then the whole pendulum could go flying off – and then it would be bye bye to everything we ever wanted.  The Fulcrum is being tested – whether you believe in physics, science – or not. We have to calm things down. And WE will.
• “I have been up to the Cloud. There is a lot to absorb.  I will tell you what I am learning…(Excerpted from the soon to be published “THE RAT PAPERS” – watch this space for details.)

The above is all we received from MATHUZALA this week. we don’t know exactly where he is…and what does he mean when he says he has ”…been up to the cloud”?

Applicable Quotes:

• “All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.” -John Arbuthnot, thinker
• “Fear of losing is what makes competitors so great.  Show me a gracious loser and I’ll show you a permanent loser.” – O. J. Simpson, football, et al.
• “Winning isn’t everything.  It’s the money you make from it that’s everything.” -Lee Trevino, golfer
• “Try to hate your opponent.  Even if you are playing your grandmother, try to beat her fifty to nothing.  If she already has three, try to beat her fifty to three.” -Danny McGoorty, billiard player
• “The liars punishment is not in the least that he is not believed but that he cannot believe anyone else.” -George Bernard Shaw, writer
• “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” -Attributed to Yogi Berra, Yankee catcher & manager – and recently alluded to by -Frank Dobbs, Bullhorn carrying, Trump flag waving vote-count protestor in Las Vegas, Nevada

ANNOUNCEMENT:  The winners of the  TEDDIES will not be announced on this day.  All ballots are in.  All ballots have been counted; but there are problems.  Lawsuits. Protests. Re-counts are being demanded from critters who know they did not win.  A bad child was seen trying to tempt a stuffed animal with a cookie, hoping to change a vote in favor of Bork, the angry purple Slug.

C. E. Metzger

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