Update on NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”: While our show is in ‘Shutdown” mode…due to the Human virus going around… some members of our cast are looking around for temporary work – to help them get by. Here, they are looking at various apps to see if the apps think they are qualified for anything. Apps and computers, it is told, can determine who or what is qualified for anything. The truth of the matter is our Stuffed Animals do not know anything about apps or computers…just like many humans. They do not even know if the sun travels around the earth or vice-versa…just like many humans. (Come back next week for more exciting action.)
THINGS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED WHILE TRYING TO KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL:
- Winning by a Hair: Less than 2% of the world’s population have blond hair. 35% of white people in the U.S. Senate are, or were, blonds. 48% of female CEOs on the S&P are, or were, blonds. 62% of male CEOs in the Fortune 500 are, or were blonds. 1) I want to know how you get money to do studies like these. 2) How many CEOs are red-heads? 3) How many men over forty are balding, or worse, and what percentage of them are heads of the S&P, or Fortune 500, and how many of them are living with blonds? (Isn’t this better than reading about the orange-haired exec suing for a re-count in Georgia?)
- America Revisioned: I read a piece from an British source, which said King James the 1st exported beggars, whores, orphans, vagrants, Irish rebels and an assortment of convicts to Virginia…When I was in school, I was taught the Early Settlers went to Virginia, voluntarily, searching for God and such. Who knows what the truth is anymore? All I know is, I came from ‘good stock’, myself.
- America, the Land of Promise: Studies show the biggest predictor for ‘Success’ in America is having rich parents. Maybe my ‘stock’ wasn’t as good as I thought.
- America, by the Numbers: Studies & Polls show: 80% of Americans believe in an Afterlife. 61% think they will go straight to Heaven. Nearly 50% believe they will be re-united with a loved one. 25% believe you can talk to the dead. One in seven Americans believe the sun revolves around the world. 1/3 of White Evangelicals (over 20 million) believe the world will end in their lifetime – and most of them welcome the fact. 1) Should that 1/3 be allowed to vote? Or, 2) …Contribute money to candidates for public office?
- Not everybody wants to come to America: 1 in 5 Swiss citizens were born elsewhere. In fact, some of those from “elsewhere” are Americans.
- America, The Land of Plenty: There are over 600,000 millionaires in America. You would think with all this wealth, we would be ‘on top’ of things. Take a look at our international rating in ‘INFRASTRUCTURE’: a) Roads: We are behind: France (#1), Oman (#14), Malaysia (#18)… b) Air Transport: We are behind: Singapore (#1), Barbados (#10),Czech Republic (#23)… c) Railroads: We are behind: Switzerland (#1), Taiwan (#12), Canada (#15)… d) Ports: We are behind: Singapore (#1), Estonia (#12), Namibia (#22). But we’ve got more money than anybody mentioned above.
And now for a change of pace:
- Drugstore robberies are up, because that’s where the money is.
- There is an app which predicts whether a person will be a good teacher – or not. This world is becoming a scary place to me if we are going to be ‘qualified’ by an app. And who, or what, determines whether the app is ‘qualified’ or not?
- I read where fruit flies are aggressive and scientists are studying them to see if we can replicate their behavior in our soldiers. I’d like the scientists to study some insects who are pacifists and see if we can replicate some of that.
- Wisdoms Revisioned: 1) It used to be said that once you have discovered a problem – it is half solved. Not true today. We have problems (Like climate change, for example): we argue over whether we really have the problems, we then say we cannot afford to deal with the problems and so on…So, today the thought is: Discovering the problem is only the beginning of the problem.
Now, we must hear from Mathuzala, our guest Columnist:
- Big Data is growing at 5 trillion bits a second. What have you done with all this information?
- Your scientists have discovered Ferrets are close to humans when considering Flu vulnerabilities. A lot of Ferrets are going to get sick with your meddling with them, if I do not do something about this.
- Your scientists have come up with a drug (SRT-1720) which gives longer lives to obese Rats. Your scientists made many Rats obese, in order to come up with this drug. Soon, we Rats, will have our own scientists working on our own behalf; but we are different than you, we will not make you obese in order to do our studies.
- It is said, “When elephants fight the grass gets trampled.” Well, let it be known when Rats deploy, the ground will shake…”
Once again, we must cut Mathuzala’s column short. He seems to be out of sorts, things being what they are these days. Perhaps next week Mathuzala will see things in a better light. If you are interested in how Mathuzala came to being and how his Chumpers Movement is progressing – Go to: Amazon, or Barnes & Noble, and go to: Books…and go to: THE RAT PAPERS and Buy! Buy! Buy!
And now a few quotes to add to your day:
- “I like to be in America! OK by me in America! Ev’rything Free in America, For a small fee in America!” -Stephen Sondheim, “West Side Story”
- “I don’t mind it when they call me a ‘Dumb Blond”, because I’m not Dumb – and I’m not Blond.” -Dolly Parton, Philanthropist
Update on THE TEDDIES: We know who the Winners are, but the Losers have run off with the ballots and we cannot prove anything. Some of the Losers were not even in the show. Furthermore, some of the Losers, who were not even in the show, are suing everybody in the name of Democracy and people who do not even read this blog are thinking of picketing – but they do not know exactly where to go. Hopefully, all this will come to a reasonable ending in a week or two. (To show you how things have gone out of hand, people are asking if FiFI (Lower left of photo), “…is the Mistress of Ceremony of the event only because she is blond?” Ridiculous!)