Update on Noteflix’s production of ‘”Troubles in the Garden”: Some members of our cast have run off to play in the Christmas tree. We can’t be mad at them because being Stuffed Animals, they are almost like children. (Come back next week for more action.)
“YOU CANNOT SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES”…ARE ALL CUT DOWN.
“…THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THINGS REMAIN THE SAME”…NO! NO! Make that: “THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THINGS CHANGE”.
Huge, life altering events are on the move and coming your way – fast. There is so much happening in today’s world that if you missed noticing an earth-shattering event which occurred this afternoon, it will be in the trash-bin of history tomorrow – and you will never ever know about it; unless you got hit by that tidal wave that you weren’t told was bearing down on you. Below, are notes which were taken during the “Slower Times”.
- Back when TV first arrived in homes and all was in black & white…I was told many things, such as: 1) “More Doctors smoke Camels than any other brand.” (I was never knew what happened to those doctors) 2) “M&M’s melt in your mouth, not in your hand” When I tried this, the red color dye actually came off in my hands. After two minutes, the M&M’s did not melt in my mouth; but I ate them anyway. 3) “Wonder Bread builds strong bodies, twelve ways!” Has anyone ever seen a list of those twelve ways? Wonder Bread with bacon and mayo was the best food ever, until they invented pizza. The point is, I do not know if there was ever “Truth in advertising”. Who cares? Today, I am spellbound by the ads on Instagram. They showed me, in video-action, a 2-sided tape that was so strong you could put it on a wall – on any surface – and put anything you wanted to on that tape, toothbrushes, hammers, a 5 pound dumbbell. I bought it immediately. Cheap, maybe $10. It came from some place in the Far East. It did not work at all. Did not even stick to the wall without anything on it. …Next, I see pictures of a knee brace that works so well, I wish I had a bad knee – so I could order one. Maybe I’ll order one, anyway. Hoses. I never ever wanted a hose, until I saw these new ones. They look like they are super light in weight. They start out bunched up into almost no size at all, sort of like a was of spinach.You hook it up to your faucet and – Poof! – it uncoils like some kind of snake and turns into a hose. I ordered one 6 months ago and I even used it once to see if it worked. Good deal, I guess. What I think is: Ads are getting better than ever. Did you ever buy a car because you saw a pretty woman standing next to it on TV? I think not. Did you smoke Camels because your doctor smoked Camels? I think not. But do not go on Instagram tonight unless you really want a knee brace, or a hose that recoils like an Anaconda, or some cheap sticky tape from the Far East. And there is more, much more, to be transfixed by – so have your credit card handy while you look.
- Here are two tidbits which I thought were important enough to take notes on – back when TV was not streamed: A) “There is a hole in your car’s trunk so you don’t suffocate to death.” -Law & Order. Also from the same show: “Komodo Dragon drool is deadly.” B) A scorpion will kill itself when cornered.” -From “The Jewel and The Crown”, 98 Tomatoes. Also, from the same late night movie: “There is no God, not even on the road from Dibra Pur. (Make that 99 Tomatoes.)
- On a different tack, today I am wondering what it is most Americans are wondering most about. Is it: 1) Glaciers calving in the Antarctic and raising sea-levels? 2) The Settlements in the Middle-East? 3) Nuclear Proliferation? 4) Paying the rent? (Polls show the correct answer is #4 )
- On a completely different topic, I have been thinking about God a lot lately, and wondering how you attract Her/His attention in order to get your prayers answered – there being so many of us with problems down here. My thought is to use Child Psychology on Him/Her. Treat God like you would a child (if you were good to children, that is) Smile, make nice, talk in pleasant tones. See if that works.
And now a word from our guest columnist Mathuzala:
- So. You are placed in a maze. There is a piece of cheese, somewhere in the maze. You can smell it. You are expected to go for the cheese as fast as you can. Do you do that? Do you run like mad for the cheese, just to please the humans who are watching and taking little notes? What if you are not hungry? What if you don’t like the brand of cheese? What if you get there and they take the cheese away and scribble more notes in their books and make you do it all over again? How long would you put up with treatment like that? How long before you did something about it?
(If you want to know more about MATHUZALA and his ‘Movement’, go to Amazon and buy “THE RAT PAPERS” …and you will learn all ye need to know.”)
A few Quotes:
- “Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.” -Anonymous
- “The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.” -L.P. Hartley, novelist, (1895-1972)
- ” The moving finger writes, and having writ,/ Moves on:nor all thy piety nor wit/ Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,/ nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.” – “The Rubaiyat of Omar Kayyam” -Edward Fitzgerald, poet, (1809-’83)
ANNOUNCEMENT: The TEDDIES’ Ceremony is back on track. The votes have been found – someone took them to Venezuela and tried to say there were 10,000,000 of them cast for Bork (See creature at hind left paw of Christmas Bear); but all is in proper order now. The true tally will be announced, officially, next week…after all lawsuits are dismissed. However, we think we can say we know who really won; but we are afraid to tell you as of now. It is complicated. (Come back next week for more information)