As you may know, the man pictured below has announced his candidacy for President of America…and he vows to make it “Even Greater Again” (EGA), if he is in control of things. Here follows a sampling of just a few of the tasks our candidate promises to deal with on his First Day in Office. (We are the sole enterprise to have received this leaked information)
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- “I will Un-Pardon all those who were pardoned by “xx” on his last day in office.” (The actual name has been deleted by our censors – and will hereafter never be shown on our pages.) …(There were 135 pardons in the Unmentionable’s last hours in office.)
- “I will make sure “yy” pays the Families of Sandyhook the money he owes – by nightfall – or he would go where the Un-Pardonables are going.” (“yy” is another individual the censors don’t want us to give named attention to. His real name rhymes with “Bemoans”
- “I will take back many Medals of Freedom given out in error, examples of which are: 1) one of the world’s richest women and casino owner and bigly “xx” donor…and, 2) The now deceased/podcaster…” (whose name rhymes with “Dumbaugh.) 3) That Congressman who never wears a jacket – to show he is working so hard…I forget his name. He’s from Ohio, or Idaho, or one of those places.
- “I will demand the Guiness Book of Records give the title of the World’s Biggest Liar Ever to “xx’ because of his momentous achievement of being on record for having lied Thirty Thousand Five Hundred Seventy Three times ( 30,573) while in office for only Four years (1441 days …which comes to 21.22 lies per diem. N.B.: This total excludes statements which were categorized as “Mostly False”. Were you to include the “Mostly False”; the numbers would go up exponentially.)
- I would check to see if more people showed up on the mall to witness my inauguration than any ever before…if that did not prove out, to my expectations, I would get back to work on Day Two’s list of things to do.
REGARDING LESSER MATTERS
- Have you ever noticed how often, when you are washing dishes in the sink, that a spoon is directly under the water faucet – and you get splashed all over? This an example of the “Law of The Spoons” at work. The mathematical odds of this happening as often as it does are greater than 33,573 to one. This proves there is a Force greater than us and our mathematical wherewithals. Whether this Force is the same as the One which told us “Do not bear False Witness” is yet to be determined.
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Some Quotes:
- “Revenge is mine!” -Sayeth The Lord
- “Revenge is a soup best served cold” -Proverb first appeared in E. Sue’s Novel “Memoirs of Matilda”, 1846, also used in “The Godfather”…(Meaning: revenge is more satisfying when exacted some time after the harm that instigated it.)
- “We should forgive our enemies, but not before they are hanged” –
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* “The Law of the Spoons”: The number of times the water from the faucet descends directly to the upright spoon in the sink – and splashes the person washing the dishes – is inversely proportional to normal probability odds.” -first articulated by c.e. metzger on January 4th 2023…it has not yet been seen in print; but has gone digitally viral this day. ”
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Be careful, out there…and a fond “Hello” to Brunella, wherever you may be.
