Episode #59 of “Troubles in the Garden”: Our Hero, The Bluebird of Happiness and our heroine, Mamzelle Pinkie, are still social distancing and wearing masks. But this does not mean spooning has to take a leave of absence. It has been reported Human couples are having difficulties being pent up with each other; but such is not the case in the stuffed animal kingdom. Some of our readers have complained they do not know enough about The Bluebird of Happiness: “What are his interests? What does he do?” they ask. “All he wants to do is to have a good time,” we answer; and if that is not interesting enough to you, you can find a serial-killer show on Netflix. (special bonus picture to this Episode below)
- (This paragraph is only for people who have succumbed to Instagram while on Lockdown.) Have you noticed if you go on Instagram it is hard to get off? It is not the cartoons, or the pictures, or the witty sayings that grab me…it is the ads…and ads have never been of interest to me before. Have you seen these weed cutters? Wow. I want one and I do not have weeds. Have you seen the new glue strip thing? You can glue anything you want to, to a wall with a little plastic strip, barely bigger than a band-aid, which might hold 20 pounds or more – forever. I have no need to glue anything to a wall right now; but I think I’m going to hit the “Buy Now” button, just in case. And the Solar Powered Fountain for your bird-bath? Why didn’t I invent that? I want one – even though I do not have a bird-bath. How about the new paint roller device that is drip and error free? I have no need to re-paint a room; but I am sorely tempted to buy this item, while it is still in stock. Mosquito killers have improved, too. You can see thousands of those pesky critters, killed dead right there on your little screen. I think I’ve purchased three of them, from different companies – one looks better than the other. I can’t wait until I finish this post to see what else is new that I need. Do not tell me the economy is going down the tubes because of lack of entrepreneurial ideas.
- …And then there are audio-visual re-caps of various politicians making hilariously absurd comments about anything and everything. You can hit the “Watch more” button and stay on Instagram for longer than an instant. My phone has told me my screen time has gone up to “Generation Z” levels – and I have not even done my fair share of U-tube, Facebook, or Linkedin, yet. I do not remember what I did with my time before Lockdown. It is a time-killing experience and I cannot imagine ever going back to work or really trying to get anything done, ever again. I hope the government keeps sending me checks so I can continue to live. But seriously, what is it with these people who are protesting Social Distancing and Lockdown rules and suggestions? I remember when Ralph Nader came out with the idea of seat-belts…and some nuts screamed about ‘Freedom’ and ‘Personal Rights’ and “You can’t tell me what I have to do…”and the Government was going ‘Commie’. Eventually we got seat-belts and millions of lives have been saved. (Bless you Mr. Nader) And then there was the time before mandatory car insurance…and the same people went bananas over the invasion of their individual rights over what they have do – and that we were either going to Hell or descending into a Socialistic State. But eventually car insurance was made mandatory (if you wanted to drive)…and now have these Anti-vaxxers and Anti-Covid19 social distancing regulation people, who must be the same people who protested Seat Belts and Mandatory Car Insurance…But these people must be getting pretty old by now – so maybe things will change soon.
- Oh, another item I saw advertised on Instagram: A photo editing device. It does the following: You take a picture of people on a beach. You want to keep the beach; but get rid of the people. You use this device you have just bought by drawing a line over the people and “Voila!” the people are gone – and the beach is beautiful and people free. You could take a photo of a plate of meat and green veggies…and draw a line over the veggies and “Voila!” you have a plate of meat without the green vegetables. I almost bought this immediately. But then I got to thinking this is the end of the world as I know it. With this device, you can never again trust a picture to tell you the truth. Let’s say, for example you were caught shaking the hands of the Russian President, or Dictator, or what ever he is – and you were smiling and he was putting Rubles in your pocket along with a deed to a hotel you were going to own in Moscow. With this device, you, your ill-gotten rubles and “Voila!” the deed to your Hotel on Red Square will disappear from the picture. Which copy/version of the photo would the Courts decide upon? Problems will arise. More will be revealed on this subject.
Episode #59 continued: Our hero, The Bluebird of Happiness, arranged to get get us to buy one of those photo altering devices (mentioned above in this post) ..and he had Mamzelle Pinkie’s mask removed – so he could see her better. And “Voila!” now he is having a good time.