Episode #63 from NOTEFLIX’s “Troubles in the Garden”: Remember last week? When we saw a strange light in the background? We thought it might have other-worldly significance? Well, we might have been right. The light has drawn closer – and it turns out to be Goofo, the Angelic Night Owl. Where she is from nobody knows, and only a few can actually see her. She is not wise; but she knows much wisdom. She speaks in ‘Tweets”. “Tweet, Tweet!” she says and everybody has to decipher what she is trying to say. Often, there are many diverse opinions to what she means. We know this much: Goofo favors the side of ‘Good’ and is pleased with our loving couple (Our hero, The Bluebird of Happiness, and Mamzelle Pinkie). You are looking at the first photo-op, ever, including Goofo. Bork the Fierce and Angry Purple Slug wants none of it and is slithering away to tell Jack the Scorned and Bad Prince that there is a new arrival in the Realm of Stuffed Animals who live in the Land of Humans and Other Dangerous Creatures. (See below for more action)
THOUGHTS FROM WATCHING TOO MUCH TV WHILE IN LOCKDOWN
- CAR CHASES: I have been watching more than my fair share of movies and TV shows while in lock-down – and there is one thing I have learned about myself for sure: I never want to see another car chase again. After you have seen one, you get the drift. Yes, it can be thrilling to see a car crash through a vegetable stand; seeing once is all you need. Top Hollywood stars get paid millions of dollars to act scared or determined, or whatever – driving the wrong way on a crowded highway or entering an on-ramp while an 18-wheeler is barreling down from the other direction…it is a good time to go to the bathroom or get more ice-cream. There is no advance to the plot while the cars and police and bad guys are hot after one another. My guess is it must be fun to make these scenes; because I can’t believe anybody in the audience truly, madly, deeply really likes them. Me? I think the car chase scene in “Bullet” said it all – and when they want to show a car chase scene today, they should splice the “Bullet” clip in the film and move on.
- ADS: It used to be the Fonz was hyping ‘Reverse Mortgages’. Now it is Magnum, P.I. These are men you can trust. I was told by a friend who seems to know about mortgages that you should not consider these types of instruments – unless you really plan to ‘Cash-out’. Ask Magnum what he thinks about that.
- SIDE-EFFECTS: I read over 1/2 of Americans – man, woman and child – take prescription drugs. The most influential lobbying group in Washington is Big Pharma. There are 370 million Americans – that is a lot of prescription drugs out there (you do the math). I have made a list of several hundred side-effects of our drugs advertised on TV. I will name a few for your horror: Loss of vision (This side-effect was mentioned in four different ads that I saw), Convulsions, Urinary infections – “which could be serious”, Trouble breathing, Trouble swallowing, Swelling of the legs, Swelling of the lips, Could induce suicidal thoughts, Unwanted weight loss (No problem here), Brain fog (I have had that and I am looking for a pill to get rid of it), Unusual dreams (I have had those without taking any drugs. I had one last night; there was a car chase in it), Mental health problems, Causes tumors in rats (Do we need to know this?), Deterioration of heart valves, Death, Uncontrollable bowel movements, Change in body hair (If that includes: Loss of hair on the head, I want to sue somebody), An unexplained sense of Happiness (I bet the store sells out of these), Bleeding to death (as differentiated from just “Death”, as mentioned above). My list contains an 100 more side-effects. I have found compiling this list has been more personally fulfilling than my attempts at learning to play the harmonica – which has led me to a sense of incompetence, for which there is no known drug.
- A study concluded members of Congress who are beautiful, or handsome, or telegenic, get more camera TV time than the others. Although this is a “Well, Duh!” study; I cannot imagine how ugly the other Congress people must be – and I do not blame the TV for not showing them to me.
- They did another study and they found, (…this is about TV viewing), it is easier to get people mad at something than it is to get them to learn something. This explains a lot and it fills me with rage.
- “More than 20,000,000 men have had the Viagra conversation.” (…which probably fills 20,000,000 women with negative social side-effects.)
I have not even mentioned the other screen I have been watching. I received a message today my screen time on my phone is up 57%. Unfortunately, it is easier watching all the stuff I am watching (car chases included) than it is to learn the to play the Harmonica, or how to juggle 2 balls, or learn a new language – and that is a problem.
I’ll leave you with a few quotations from some shows I’ve seen:
- “Reason is not automatic – Those who deny it, cannot be conquered by it.” -Ayn Rand as quoted in a ‘Criminal Minds re-run.
- “You can get more from a kind word and a gun – than you can from just a kind word.” -A. Capone, as quoted on a Chris Mathews show.
- “Kill me a son!”/ Abe said to God, “You must be making fun?”/ God said to Abe, “Next time you see me, you better run!”/Abe said to God, “Where you want this killing Done?”/ “Out on highway 61.” -Johnny Cash, Documentary (The best show I saw all week.)
“Troubles…”cont’d: Meanwhile, on the other side of town, our crew of Bad Actors has been carousing into the wee hours of the morning (see the moon is down). They are in a huddle planning their next play in which they hope to disturb the bliss in Qween Ezmiralda’s Realm of Stuffed Animals. (You will note Mac the Shark is not in the picture – he has fallen off the table from too much drink.) Here comes Bork, the Fierce and Angry Slug (enters stage left), slithering in to tell the gang about the new and mysterious arrival in the Queendom. “She is weird.” says Bork. “She speaks in ‘Tweets’ all the time. … And she has a strange light. I think she may have swallowed a battery or taken a pill that had a bizarre side-effect.” No one knows what to make of Goofo. (Return next week for more thrills.)