Episode #76 (who is counting?) to NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”: The above scene shows (#1 on the Docket) the first Court appearance of Scarlet, the Protest’s organizer – and our loving couple, The Bluebird of Happiness and Mamzelle Pinkie, (innocent bystanders, by the way) who have been scooped up in the mass arrests. The good news is the judge, by the looks of him, would seem to be on the side of our lead characters. The bad news is: Bork, the Fierce and Angry Purple Slug, is the prosecuting attorney. If you are new to our show, you need to know that Bork considers it to be his job to work for the wrong and evil side of things. (To be continued.)
LIGHTNING ROUND #1:
- I see an ad for a pill which tells me scientists found a chemical in jellyfish which can improve your short term memory. How’d they find out jellyfish had such good memories? This is science at its best. What disgusting sea creature do I have to eat to improve my long-term memory?
- I read where 30% of the ants in a colony do 70% of the work and some ants do none of the work and that those ants are interchangeable and nobody thinks anybody is shirking or looking for handouts…but then again – they are just ants.
- There is a worm, an army of worms, eating food crops across Southern Africa. They are eating corn in Biblical proportions. One worm can lay 20,000 eggs …and there are countries in Africa that have hunger problems, without these worms. How come this is not a lead story?
- There comes a time in many an American’s life when he thinks the best thing he did ‘today’ was not eat too much.
- Studies show sleeping under the stars improves your quality of sleep. But how do you find stars these days?
- Studies show people who like Mozart, Thunderstorms and Curley Fries are smarter than the others…Other studies show that people who like Hockey, Lady Antebellum and FaceBook have lower IQs than the others. These are studies at their best and I want to know if you get paid in $’s for doing them.
- I read that in New Mexico there is a Virgin Mary statue at the Church of Guadalupe who is weeping real olive oil tears. There is no scientific explanation. It is nice this sort of thing continues in this veil of tears.
- It says in some business reports if trends continue: The electrical usage/requirements for air-conditioning will be the world’s major source of pollution.
- Summer has come to an end, which is good news in that the summer days are the deadliest for teenage drivers…60% of these accidents involve texting/social media while driving. But now they can go to school, where they will be safe.
- Another study reveals: Hauling heavy loads can cause physical damage…women carrying 40 pounds 200 yards to and fro for water…not only begets fatigue; but also develops soft-tissue damage, early bone degeneration and pregnancy problems. I could have told you that without doing the study.
- Studies show if the Chinese and the people in India all use toilet paper like the Americans do, there will not only be a toilet paper shortage – we may run out of trees.
- But, I am told there is a paper towel shortage, already. True, this is partly due to what is called “Lean Manufacturing” and the manufacturers miscalculated the current rising demand. Nonetheless, the shortage is here, now.
- Everybody is winging it in this life.
- You know about the “5 Second rule” having been changed to the “2 Second” rule? I think the rule should be changed to the “No Second” rule and should be published in the new guidelines.
- There were 102 passengers on the Mayflower in 1620. It is estimated there are 35,000,000 descendants from those travelers. Thank God there was not a whole fleet of Mayflowers, or we’d have run out of room a long time before we did.
- Scientists suspect noses are shaped to deal with local climate conditions. My nose tells me to go to Tuscany.
- Everybody is winging it in this life. I’ll say it again.
(We continue with our guest columnist, by popular demand. Once again, we would like to emphasize: Mathuzala’s opinions are not necessarily the same as ours.)
MATHUZALA SPEAKS: (Dictated, but not read)
- “Many of you are drinking too much, and smoking and drugging. No rats do that – except if forced to in your experiments. (Cough, cough)…
- “It is said ‘When the Lion Feeds, he is most vulnerable’…and you are at the trough….
- “Studies show 4% of people are sociopaths. Zero % of rats are sociopaths.”
- “I have said it before, and I will say it again: ‘We cannot afford ‘Civilization’. This is the unwanted truth.”
(We will stop here and confer with our columnist to see if what he is saying, is really what he means, or if this is some sort of a joke.)
ANNOUNCEMENT: We are proud to say that FiFi, the Fabulous Stuffed Stand-up Comic and former Game-show Product Presenter has agreed to be the Hostess to THE TEDDIES – which are coming soon – soon after Social Distancing guidelines have been determined and all the votes are counted. The early votes are in and it looks like the polls & pundits may have been wrong in their predictions. (To be continued.)