Update on NOTEFLIX’s production of “Troubles in the Garden”: Now is the time to cast you absentee ballot, or Ballots – Depending on your enthusiasm. Polls show a nose to nose situation with Ezmiralda, the Hairy Pg tween of the Land of Stuffed Animals and Mordimur the stupid, overweight whatever he is. But wait! What is Bork, the Angry purple slug, doing on the ballot” Is he a spoiler? Who is in charge of counting the votes? Where is the money coming from for all the advertising? Are we headed for a Dictatorship? What? come back next week for more excitements.
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NUGGETS:
- Do not take a sip from the glass of water they give you in the interrogation room. That is how they get your DNA and prove you are the criminal they are looking for. (See? Watching endless hours of crime thrillers can lead to valuable information.)
- In the year 1650, James Ussher, Archbishop and Primate of all of Ireland, counted the ‘Begats’ in the Bible and determined that God created the earth on “the entrance of the night preceding the 23rd day of October…the year before Christ, 4004″; that is, around 6 pm on 22 October 4004 BC, per the proleptic Julian Calendar.” (So, in a few days this old earth is going to be 6026 years old. Check the math and party on. Oops, there is a Sothern Baptist religious leader who has calculated the Apocalypse is going to happen before the end of the month…(My Editor says I should add a funny comment here; but is is beyond my abilities.)
- Studies show high priced placebos are more effective than lower priced ones. (Well. Duh?) If this is true then it would only follow that high priced drugs are more effective than low priced drugs. Since our drugs are the most expensive in the Free World, we must be the most healthy. No?
- Have you noticed most professionals say they do not want their children to do what they did for a living? Butchers, Bankers, Lawyers, Anesthesiologists and so on…they all want their children to do something else. Not so with Dictators. It seems Dictatoring is a good job and lifestyle and one that a happy parent, Dictator would wish on his offspring.
- John Shephard-Barron invented the ATM in 1967 – and did not make a farthing from it. (He was a Scot and he pitched the idea to the head of Barclay’s Bank over a Pink Gin. He was, however, awarded “Officer of the Order of the British Empire” decoration from Her Majesty’s Offices. That and a Tuppence won’t get you a cuppa tea. This story should serve as a strong warning not to drink gin when you think you have a good idea.
- Another tidbit, inspired by our tales from ‘Across the Pond’: There are Anesthetic failures galore in the UK compared to in the U.S. Apparently, in the UK, in 1 in 500 operations the patient can feel pain, but cannot move, while in the U.S. this almost never, ever, happens. The disparity here is explained by either: 1) Lawsuits are a good thing in America and have brought this kind of slop to an end. Or, 2) Higher priced medical operations are less painful than lower priced ones.
- I just read an article which claimed “Pretty much anything that causes people to move out of an area can be beneficial to wildlife”. For example: Animals in the Korean DMZ are flourishing. An argument for continued strife on the Peninsula, I suppose. And, shortly after the Chernobyl accident, wildlife returned to the area – found it safe there, without humans…
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And now our weekly submission from our Resident Rodent Guest Columnist MATHUZALA:
MATHUZALA SPEAKS:
You may have read this week that Neuroscientists have attached human brain cells to several brains in ‘Lab Rats’ – to what end I do not know. What you do not know, unless you have read the book featured below, is Neurosurgeons did this to me several years ago…and the brain cells they attached were from the brains of people like Einstein and several Nobel Prize winners in the category of Physics, Music and Civil Engineering. Those who know me say I am the most intelligent creature on earth – and I am here to tell you that that is of little comfort to me.
To understand more about how MATHUZALA became the most intelligent creature on Earth and what that means to us, please go to Amazon or Barnes & Noble and buy the (NON) BESTSELLER “THE RAT PAPERS”
Notes From Tuscany:
The Americans continue to arrive! The Americans continue to arrive! And word is this flowing will hold through November. Someone told them not to dress up for the trip – and they obeyed. A lot of the tourists who come here look like they have been camping in the woods for a week and are looking for a place to clean up. What is that? Only a few years ago Americans were known to be pretty sharp dressers. Maybe it’s Covid. Maybe it’s the end of times, or at least the end of America’s dominance of cultural affairs. (Once again, my Editor has suggested I give this a “funny” ending. How can it be funny when Americans lose their dominance in sartorial splendor?)
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A few quotes (and a quiz, to test your wokeness)
Who said? (correct answers are at bottom of post)
- “Since we don’t control the air our good air decided to float over to China’s bad air so when China gets our good air, their bad air got to move.” Was it? 1) Someone you talked to at your last class reunion, or 2) The head of the EPA, or 3) The man who might become the new Senator from the State of Georgia – whose name will not be seen here.
- “No matter what you think of Alex Jones, all he did was speak words. He was not the one who pulled the trigger. Were his words wrong and did he apologize? Yes. That’s what freedom of speech is. Freedom to speak words.” Was it? 1) Nathan Hale’s great grand daughter, or 2) The man who might become a Senator from Georgia, or 3) A good Christian Woman in the House of Representatives from the State of Georgia who is running, basically, unopposed.
- Three quotes, same person: “I still cannot believe that a mob was able to take over the United States Capitol during such a pivotal moment – certifying a presidential election. It would have been so easy for terrorists to boot strap onto this protest and wreak even further destruction on the U.S. Capitol. Regardless of the reason for the assault on the Capitol, to lose control in such a fashion twenty years after 9/11 is stunning. …”Those who defiled the Capitol on January 6 are being prosecuted, as they should be. I have consistently condemned the attack and have urged that those involved be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”…”What are you doing? Take back the Senate! You’ve got guns. Use them,” Was it? 1) Some poor intern-wretch who was trapped in the Congress during Jan 6th, or 2) some Big Liar, Fake News Reporter, revising his impressions of Jan 6th, or. 3) A Senator from the State that abuts the border of Georgia, who shall remain nameless here.
(#3 – IN EVERY CASE)
- “Significance is giving way to Crapisto. It’s easier to make your mark via negativity these days with sensational anything.” -attributed to Stan Hertzman
That’s it for now – and a fond “Hello” to Irit & Moshe, wherever you are.
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