Below are print-outs from the upcoming 2028 Republican Party’s First Presidential Debate. The names are removed – so the reader can guess who is who. Our pollsters have kindly shared their ratings of the performances
Question from Moderator: “What would you do in the first 30 days, if you were to win the Election?”
- Candidate at Lectern #1; “When I’m elected President I am going to Change Daylight Saving time in the first few hours. I know more about time than anybody else, so I’m going to move the little hand forward two whole hours. Maybe I’ll put California and New York City back an hour…just because they say they are not going to vote for me. Anyway, we’ll be hours ahead of everybody else in the world and America will be greater than it ever was. With more Daylight Saving Time…is it Saving or Savings? Who cares? Anyway, we’ll have more light and we will save money on electric bills and we won’t have to put tariffs on electricity anymore. Maybe the bills will go down 50%, maybe 200%, Who knows? I’m thinking of putting Chicago’s clocks back an extra half hour…that would drive those lying, cheating, woke Democrats crazier than they are.”
Pollster ratings: We have found an 86% approval rating for more DST. Using DST as a political punishment is disapproved of by 30% of the population. Hardly anyone understood the tariff on electricity business; but they did not care as long as it costs them nothing. 50% like the idea that the debate started off with someone who might not be allowed to be President again. Overall rating: 8.5 out of 10…
- Candidate at Lectern #2, “I will Pardon Ex-President Trump and his entire family, for all their so-called “crimes of corruption” and whatnots and would offer the Trump Qatar airplane to the highest bidder. I would stop the wars in Ukraine, Gaza and California. I would make Venezuela a Protectorate and put Jared in charge of the oil deposits there.
Pollster Ratings: Half of those polled did not know what she was talking about when she mentioned ‘crimes of corruption’. 49% thought peace in Ukraine and Gaza would be a good idea. Most respondents did not like the idea of Venezuela becoming a protectorate – even though they did not know what that was. But they loved her and her stylish clothing. She sold over a million dollars worth of her own designed jewelry during the debate. However, a significant per cent thought the job might be too much for a woman. (Overall rating: 8 …but 9 for V.P.)
Print-out continued next week. with two more hot contenders..
