NOTEFLIX Production’s QUIZ of the Week: Can you fathom how the above picture relates to any of the posting below? There are no prizes; being right is its own reward.
HEADLINES: Years ago, I had a business column in a financial magazine, and a commentary column in a New York newspaper. The deal was: I’d write up to 800 words on a subject and turn them in to my Editors-in-Chief. Somebody else wrote the corresponding HEADLINES. I was always disappointed in those HEADLINES. Why do I tell you this? Lately, while trolling for news on my iPhone, I have noticed the HEADLINES are often the best part of whatever it is I am about to read. Sometimes, they have nothing to do with the article. I realize now they are written to grab my attention – and in most cases, if I’m not a subscriber, and want to read the article – I’d have to pay…maybe get a free month, then pay $10 a month for a year, or the rest of my life. I could cancel at anytime, of course. (Have you ever tried to cancel a Magazine subscription? It cannot be done by anyone over the age of nine.)
This past week I decided to try to commit most of my ‘News’ reading time to HEADLINES only. Here are some you might find of interest:
- “Americans Finally Have Enough Toilet Paper” They let me read the first two paragraphs for free. It seems we Americans loaded up on Toilet Paper when we finally believed in Covid19. And we bought enough to keep in back-up supply for a third wave. (I did not need to read further.)
- “RNC Gets Jacked For $44,000 By Coffee Loving Thieves” -Business Iinsider (Interesting; but not worth the $120 risk to read.)
- “What Cicadas Really Taste Like” I cheated and had to learn about this. Spoiler Alert: It turns out they have a mild taste and assume whatever you flavor them with. (Me? I’m sticking with chocolate covered Grasshoppers – and I don’t have to wait 17 years for the next batch.)
- “The Gross Truth About How Often You Should Wash Your Pillow-Cases” (Again, to my shame, I could not resist – and I read the first few paragraphs. We have to wash our pillow-cases weekly because of dust-mites, ear wax, drool, and more. I knew all that before this piece came out; but it is nice to have my knowledge confirmed.)
- “Tucker Carlson Calls Obama ‘Creepy Old Guy’” (I am trying to unbundle Tucker from my cable plan – so I moved on from this so smartly I did not have time to jot down who it was who published the article.)
- “Why Does Hair Turn Gray?” Could not read for free – so I’ll never know. My hair tends to fall out before it turns gray; I wonder if there is an article about that.)
- “Starbucks’ Barista Gets Honest About Selfish People Ordering TicTok Drinks” -Newsweek. (If I cannot understand the HEADLINE, I do not go to the article)
- “Bare Chested Beach Suit Makes It To The U.S. Appeals Court (I have decided to wait until this case makes to the Supreme Court – and then I’ll read about it in full.)
- “Democratic Representative Tells Marjorie Taylor Greene ‘Shut Your QAnon Loving Mouth'” -Newsweek. (Well worth the $120; but I think I can find the video-clip for free. I wonder if the article tells you how to contribute to that Democratic Rep?)
- “Why We’re Conditioned To Believe Conspiracy Theories” – Popular Mechanics $120. (I thought this magazine wrote about how to fix a car and things like that. Maybe they are saying our brains are like some kind of machine and need fixing. I don’t have the time or money to find out.)
- “If Bill And Melinda Gates Can’t Make A Marriage Work after 32 Years, What Hope Is There For The Rest Of Us?”…And then the next day, “Why Do We Care So Much?” -USA Today (I do not know. I do not care. …but it is true there is no hope for us)
- “Why Fruit Loops, Corn Pops, And Apple Jacks Are in Short Supply” I did not know Fruit Loops were even in any kind of supply, anymore. I thought they were outlawed years ago. Did the last Administration bring them back?)
- “Woman Who Went Missing In Utah Park Canyon Last Year – Found Alive” (Three things regarding this: 1) I did not read the article, because I am waiting for the movie. 2) I have read a lot of strange HEADLINES referring to Utah lately – and I am not ever going there. 3) I wonder if that is where the Gates’ lived?)
- Other Tempting Topics: “It Is Hotter Than Ever”, (Duh) “Passengers on Airplanes Are Unruly”, (This has been true for a long while – before Covid, even.) “You Have To Drink 8 Cups of Water A Day” (What if everybody did that? 8 cups, times 8 billion people. Do the math – we’d drink the lakes dry.) “Defendant On Jan. 6 Riot Claims ‘Fox-mania’ As Defense” (But what if there is a Fox-phobiac on the jury? What will the Defendant do then?) “How The Pentagon Started Taking U.F.O.s Seriously” -The New Yorker. The New Yorker? Seriously? $120? They used to have Updike, Faulkner, Mitchell…anybody they wanted – and now they are writing about U.F.Os? Maybe I’ll send them something I wrote, they seem to need filler.)
And now a few words from Mathuzala, our Contributing Editor:
- Your problem is: you believe anything you are told. Well, I’m telling you things are changing around here – and though you may not like it, it will be good for you.
We will cut MATHUZALA short today, before the ‘Content Board’ people cut us off. If you are interested in the First Amendment and a good read, go to: Amazon or Barnes & Noble and buy “THE RAT PAPERS” and find out what is what.
Before we go, a few quotes:
…BUT WAIT!!! THESE JUST IN:
- “Actress Cirsten Weldon Says ‘Hillary Clinton Died 8 Months Ago From Kuru.'” -Newsweek
- “Stone Wants People To Punch ‘Fat Bannon’ For Claiming Trump Has Alzheimers” -Newsweek , again (I’m going to see if this old Capital One card is still good, and if it is I am going to take out a Life-Time subscription. Also, …I’m thinking of creating an Award Ceremony for the best HEADLINE Writers. Great talent is going unrecognized!)
Unfortunately, due to the over abundance of exciting HEADLINES, we do not have time or room for our weekly Quote section.
Until next week then,
Here is the deciphering of this week’s photo (above); The Stuffed Gray Haired Bird’s hair turned gray because she eats sugar coated cereals, (see the Sugar Pops in the bowl). Bonus: Bork, the Purple Angry Slug is on the prowl, looking for a mild tasting Cicada to feed on; but you would never have figured that one out on your own from the HEADLINES provided in this post